Welp. Here we are. Fresh off recording what might be our most chaotic episode yet - which, if you know us, is saying something. We dove deep into 1988's Willow, and folks, we need to talk about how this movie has been criminally underrated for 37 years.
But first, let's address the elephant in the room: yes, we spent an entire hour talking about QR code tombstones, haggling disasters in Tokyo, and Jacqueline's elaborate funeral plans before we even mentioned the movie we were supposed to be reviewing. This is peak Dreyer Drive content, and we're not apologizing. Sorry.
The Movie That Made Our Older Brother Who He Is Today
Remember when we told you that Willow was our older brother Daniel's obsession growing up? Well, after rewatching it as adults, we finally understand why. This isn't just some forgotten 80s fantasy flick - this is a masterclass in world-building that holds up better than most movies made today.
George Lucas and Ron Howard created something special here. While we were expecting another Mac and Me situation (fever dream territory), Willow delivered genuine heart, spectacular practical effects, and, according to Jacqueline, Val Kilmer at peak hotness as Madmardigan.
Side note: Val Kilmer married his co-star Joanne Whalley (Sorsha) in real life and called her "the one who got away." If that's not commitment to the bit, we don't know what is.
The (kind of) Ajax Connection That Blew Our Minds
Plot twist nobody saw coming: The Willow novel was written by Drew Weyland from Oshawa, Ontario. That's practically our backyard! We're claiming this as a hometown victory, even though Oshawa is technically not Ajax. Geography is just a suggestion in the Porter family.
Career Goals: The Credits Deep Dive
Ryan stayed through the credits (because he's that kind of overachiever) and discovered the most specific job titles in cinema history:
Magic Consultant - Where do you even find one of these? LinkedIn?
Animal Arranger - Not handler. Arranger. Like they're doing feng shui with horses.
Prosthetic Foam Supervisor - Imagine having so much fake foam that you need a supervisor
Possum Trainer - FOR A THREE-SECOND SCENE, but when you’re the best, the people find you.
The Pig Disaster (No, Really)
During the filming of the final battle scene where the army gets turned into pigs, the real pigs caused what Warwick Davis called "mayhem" on set. Why? Well, let's just say when you put that many pigs together in a confined space, nature takes its course. Multiple takes were ruined by... frisky pig behavior.
George Lucas spent $300,000 a day on special effects, but nobody budgeted for pig romance.
Resources We Promised You (And Actually Remembered This Time)
Watch This:
"What the F, David Blaine?" YouTube video - The first viral video Jacqueline saw
Read This:
Lucasfilm's "Forget Everything You Know About Willow" deep dive
The Real Magic Was the Siblings We Roasted Along the Way
Here's the thing about Willow - it's not just a great movie (though it absolutely is). It's one of those films that brought our chaotic Porter family together around a rented VCR with astronomical late charges accumulating under Daniel's name.
Movies like this taught us to fall in love with storytelling. Sure, we spent most of our childhood roasting each other mercilessly, but we did it while watching incredible adventures unfold on screen. Willow gave us heroes worth rooting for, villains worth fearing, and monsters named after movie critics.
Family Code Word Update
Since we mentioned our childhood "peanut butter jelly" password system, Ryan's considering implementing one for his kids. The current frontrunner? The same thing, but in Japanese.
Dragon Fruit Drama
Speaking of commitment, Ryan's staying up all night waiting for his dragon fruit flower to bloom (it only happens once, at night, for a few hours). Then he has to hand-pollinate it with a Q-tip.
As Jacqueline pointed out, this is basically going to require having "the talk" with Noah about plant reproduction. Parenting is weird, folks.
The Bottom Line
Willow deserves a spot in your family movie rotation. It's got heart, humor, practical effects that still look incredible, and a story that reminds us why we fell in love with movies in the first place.
Also, if you're ever feeling bad about your career choices, remember that someone out there has "Possum Trainer" on their resume and probably feels pretty good about it.
Thanks for reading, you beautiful disasters. If you enjoyed this chaotic journey through 80s fantasy cinema and sibling trauma, consider subscribing to our newsletter. We promise more unhinged family stories, questionable movie takes, and Ryan's ongoing adventures in Japanese suburbia.
Next week: Will Jacqueline survive sending her daughter to Ecuador? Will Ryan successfully pollinate his dragon fruit? Will we ever find the Young Guns website again? (Spoiler: probably not, but we'll keep looking.)
P.S. - If anyone knows what happened to that possum trainer, hit us up. We have questions.
Share this post