Hey friends,
This week, we’re diving head first into the very shallow end of a cinematic masterpiece that played on repeat in our childhood home rented VCR: Saturday the 14th.
And by "masterpiece," we mean "a movie so bad it received a 10% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes."
What Even Is This Movie?
Released in 1981 (before we were born, which raises even more questions about how it entered our household), Saturday the 14th is a horror comedy spoof that critics described as "a pathetic farce" and "the cinematic equivalent of a bad live action Saturday morning project." One reviewer even claimed it made him "feel a lesser person for the experience."
Naturally, we watched it dozens of times.
The "Plot" (Such As It Is)
The movie follows a family who inherits a house, only to discover it's haunted after their son opens a book of evil and releases monsters. Meanwhile, vampire couple (led by Jeffrey Tambor from Arrested Development) wants the house so they can control said monsters. The family must defeat all the evil by Saturday the 14th, or doom will befall the world.
That's it. That's the plot. Except it makes even less sense when you watch it.
The special effects budget appears to have been approximately $12.50, with monsters including what Jacqueline describes as "a goat man with giant wiener fries with eyeballs at the end" and a fish man that traumatized her so deeply she once locked herself in the bathroom rather than drain a bubble bath.
Jacqueline's favorite quote from the film: "Selling the house now would be like closing the barn door after the horses ate your grandchildren." Words to live by.
Why Did We Love This Film?
Rewatching as adults, we were utterly baffled at how this movie became such a fixture in our household. Our running theory is that, as kids, we loved the feeling of watching something that seemed "edgy" - a parody of "adult" horror movies where the children were the only smart ones while the parents remained clueless.
Also, the werewolf in the opening credits coughs mid-howl, which is objectively hilarious when you're seven.
If you're a glutton for punishment, you can watch the entire film here:
Other Episode Highlights
Ryan saved his community from "domestic terrorism" on his birthday by calling the police on what turned out to be a utility worker checking sewage lines at midnight, not the fencing sword under his left arm:
Jacqueline's dog Birdie threw up directly on her husband Justin's face while he slept, sending him to the couch for two nights
Jacqueline’s friend discovered the secret cassette tape of their childhood radio show that will 100% be featured in an upcoming episode
Ryan's breakdancing past involves a gold mat and a religious-themed performance to a reworked version of a popular 90s hip-hop song — we’re still sweating.
The episode ends with the revelation that teenage Ryan once drew Jacqueline as a seagull and called her a "dirty squawk box" - a sick burn that has haunted her for decades
Coming Soon
Stay tuned for our next episode where we'll hopefully be digitizing and sharing Jacqueline's childhood radio show with her best friend Erin, plus possibly exploring Ryan's first-ever Angelfire website. The embarrassment never stops!
Until next time, remember: there are no monsters under your bed, but there might be a fish man in your bathtub.
Ryan & Jacqueline
The Dreyer Drive podcast is about siblings and the people, places, and pop culture that raised us. New episodes mostly every two weeks.
Subscribe now so you don't miss our upcoming one-year anniversary episode!
Share this post