Well, well, well. Look what we dug up from the digital graveyard of the late 90s internet.
In this week's episode, we took you on a journey through time—specifically to 1999, when Ryan thought he was "jacked" at 140 pounds and believed the world needed a website dedicated to his breakdancing crew called "The Young Guns."
Spoiler alert: The website is still live. And it's magnificent.
The Lost Father Chronicles Continue
Before we get to the main event, Jacqueline regaled us with yet another tale of losing our father in public. This time it was at a Park City outlet mall, where Dad vanished during what should have been a routine bathroom break.
The search involved:
Justin repeatedly checking under bathroom stalls for Dad's distinctive dress shoes
Playing a family game called "Would Dad Go In This Store?"
Eventually finding Dad wandering the complete opposite section of the mall, utterly unbothered by the chaos he'd caused
This, of course, led to Ryan sharing his own Dad bathroom horror stories, including the time Dad accidentally used the women's washroom at Buffalo Airport and emerged completely confused about why there were "no urinals and so many women's voices."
But the real trauma came from Ryan's airplane bathroom breakdown—a harrowing tale involving a broken airplane lavatory, three bottles of water, and a desperate border crossing incident that ended with security chasing him into a Canadian bathroom while he was mid-stream.
It's the origin story of his ongoing bathroom anxiety, and honestly, it's justified.
A Valedictorian Speech for the Ages
In a completely unrelated discovery, Jacqueline found her 1998 eighth-grade valedictorian speech while cleaning out recipe drawers. The speech, titled as a "recipe for human success," is peak main character energy.
Choice quote: "Each of us here is writing our own stories, the stories of our lives... Our stories all start with our birth, our beginning to life. Just as a novel starts off with an introduction and preface, our personal bestseller begins as we introduce ourselves to the world."
She literally gave a graduation speech about how everyone else was supporting characters in her life story. The audacity is breathtaking.
The Internet Was a Lawless Place
But the real gem of this episode was our deep dive into early internet memories. Remember ICQ? Chat rooms? The pure chaos of Napster and LimeWire viruses?
Ryan dropped some bombshells, including:
That time he joined an online rap battle league and made a sick kid cry
The sister of said sick kid contacting him on the forum to tell him he crossed a line
His retirement announcement from competitive poetry slamming
But wait, it gets better.
The Young Guns: A Digital Time Capsule
The main event of this episode was Ryan's reluctant tour through his 26-year-old website dedicated to "The Young Guns"—his teenage breakdancing crew that handed out business cards at school dances.
What you'll find on this digital masterpiece:
A banner featuring three teenagers in "breakdance freezes" inside red crosshairs
A hand-designed bullet menu (because bullets = cool in 1999)
Photo galleries with descriptions like "these guys are huge" (spoiler: they were not)
A membership application section with "limited space for honorary members"
Multiple email addresses including "dontgospeedo"
The website also features Ryan roasting his best friends, including noting that Rob "needs his colon cleansed because maybe then his breath won't sting." Friendship goals, really.
The Photos That Will Haunt Us Forever
The images from this site are... something. There's Ryan flexing with his childhood best friend under the heading "these guys are huge." There's a photo titled "me and Rob drew chest hair on to make us look like men (I don't think it worked)."
The commitment to documenting every terrible teenage decision is honestly admirable.
Why This Matters (Beyond Our Embarrassment)
This episode is really about that liminal space between pre-internet childhood and the dawn of social media. We experienced the last gasps of true neighborhood freedom—summer nights when kids just knew to congregate at the park, knocking on doors to see if friends were home, roaming streets until dark without GPS tracking.
And then we became the first generation to document our awkward teenage years online, creating digital time capsules that would outlive our dignity.
The Young Guns website isn't just embarrassing—it's internet archaeology. It's a perfect snapshot of late 90s web design, complete with auto-playing music, cursor trails, guest books, and visitor counters. It's everything we thought was cool before we learned better — and TBH we’re still learning.
Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It
We're begging you—go visit this website. Sign the (broken) guest book. Marvel at the font choices. Try to figure out what a "silver sausage" breakdancing move looks like.
[Visit The Young Guns Website Here]
And while you're there, remember: this is what the internet was like when it was still the Wild West. When parents had no idea what ICQ was, when you could accidentally join a rap battle league, and when three Canadian teenagers could create a digital empire with nothing but Paint Shop Pro and Angelfire.
The internet may have gotten more sophisticated, but has it gotten better? We'll let you decide.
P.S. - Ryan is still accepting applications for Young Guns membership. The email address remains active. Limited space available.
P.P.S. - If you enjoyed this trip down memory lane, please share this episode with someone who also survived the early internet. They'll understand the trauma.
Listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe for more family chaos and digital archaeology.
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