If you're from below the 49th parallel, you might not understand why this episode has us both misty-eyed and laughing hysterically. But for those who grew up in the Great White North during the 90s, the words (word?) "MuchMusic" probably just triggered an avalanche of memories involving frosted tip hair, pop-up video and coordinated line dancing.
What Was MuchMusic? (For Our American Friends)
MuchMusic was Canada's answer to MTV, except with way more Barenaked Ladies (that's a band, not actual naked ladies—sorry to disappoint). Launched in 1984, it was our sacred temple of music videos, VJs who seemed like they might actually be your cool older sibling's friends, and a place where random high school kids (*cough* Ryan) could skip school, make signs about being Christina Aguilera's biggest fans, and somehow get on national television.
Did we mention Ryan was on Much Music? Because he was. And he danced. A coordinated dance. To "Genie in a Bottle." We're still searching for the footage, but just know that somewhere in the MuchMusic archives, there's video evidence of teenage Ryan performing a Saturday Night line dance slowed down to Christina Aguilera's tempo. The Canadian heritage department should really classify this as a national treasure.
The Window to Canadian Culture (Literally)
What made MuchMusic special wasn't just the music—it was the access. The Toronto studio at 299 Queen Street West had giant windows where anyone walking by could peer in, wave signs, and potentially get pulled into an interview with whatever celebrity happened to be there that day. No security, no barriers, just a VJ going "Hey, wanna meet Britney Spears?" like they were offering you a stick of gum.
Because that's just how Canada worked back then. The worst thing that might happen is someone would apologize too aggressively or offer an unsolicited Tim Hortons recommendation.
Canadian Content Rules: The Blessing and Curse
By law, Canadian radio and television had to broadcast a certain percentage of Canadian content. This meant that if you tuned into Much Music in 1997, you were legally required to watch at least three Tragically Hip videos per hour. This percentage increased yearly, which eventually became a problem when MTV launched in Canada in 2001, offering viewers the option to watch actual international artists instead of, as Jacqueline so lovingly put it, "K.D. Lang" for the fifteenth time that day. (Sorry again, k.d. lang fans!)
Electric Circus: Not Actually a Circus, Unfortunately
If you've never experienced Electric Circus, imagine a rave happening inside a TV studio, where people who definitely called in sick to work that day danced like their lives depended on it while a VJ tried to interview them mid-dance move. It was sweaty, it was confusing, and it was absolutely mesmerizing television.
One of us (guess which one) knows someone who was a regular on Electric Circus, proving once again that in Canada, everyone is approximately 1.5 connections away from minor celebrity status.
The Decline: Bell Media, We're Looking at You
Much Music began its slow death when Bell Media took over and executives started using words like "synergy" and "target demographics." VJs went from freestyle hosting to having six VPs in the room with them at all times. The final nail in the coffin was Napster, which meant teens no longer had to sit through 27 minutes of videos they didn't care about just to catch that one Eminem song.
The last music video Much Music ever played was Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable." Not The Guess Who. Not Alanis. Not even Justin Bieber. The final statement from this Canadian cultural institution was "to the left, to the left," which feels oddly symbolic of its corporate fate.
The Memory Lives On
For most of us, Much Music exists now as a four-year period of our high school lives when it was absolutely essential viewing. It's captured in those Dance Mix CDs from '94-'98 (with '96 being the undisputed GOAT, as Ryan correctly points out).
It's in the way we still remember random Pop-Up Video facts about songs nobody cares about anymore. It's in the deeply inappropriate line dances we can still perform on command if "Saturday Night" comes on at a wedding reception.
And it's definitely in the fuzzy VHS recordings of Rap City that some of us may or may not have stored in our parents' basements next to cases of fundraiser chocolate bars that mysteriously went missing over the years.
If you have your own Much Music memories, send them our way! We're particularly interested in whether anyone else spotted a pantyhose potato person on the back of a VJ's toilet during an MTV Cribs-style segment. Just us? Weird.
Until next Tuesday (or Wednesday, or possibly Friday),
Ryan & Jacqueline
P.S. We still don't know how Jonathan ended up at David Suzuki's retirement party, but we're fairly certain he was carrying a briefcase.
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